An Open Letter To The Goddesses

Mar 13
2011

Dear Natalie and Rachel,

Please be careful. The Mayor Of Sober Valley Lodge may be entertaining and exciting.  He may satisfy your every need in bed before you have coffee in the morning. He may provide a much better lifestyle than the one you had when you were riding the bus to your eight-dollar an hour job. Perhaps he’s even clean now. But please don’t fool yourselves into believing that this self-proclaimed “Warlock” doesn’t abuse women. He does. Despite the fact that the media glosses over his history of domestic violence, it paints a grim picture for the women in his life. Pay attention, Ladies; you could be next.

A quick search on the internet reveals all too quickly Mr. Tiger Blood’s past tendency to use women as emotional and literal punching bags. Among the alleged crimes he was arrested for between 1990 and 2011 are 1) accidentally shooting a girlfriend, 2) hitting a college student in the head when she refused to have sex with him, 3) beating a girlfriend and threatening to kill her, 4) throwing chairs and threatening numerous times to kill his first wife, 5) strangling and holding a knife to the throat of and threatening to kill his second wife, 6) threatening to kill a paid companion, and most recently, 7) specific, descriptive threats hurled at his third wife. He pleaded no contest or guilty to at least two of these incidents.

This violence has occurred too often to be called a passing phase or a one-time thing; this is called a pattern. A very dangerous pattern that often ends in the victim’s death. In fact, recent statistics show that one third of reported female homicide victims were killed by an intimate partner. Of the lucky gals who aren’t murdered, females who are 20 – 24 years of age are at the greatest risk of domestic violence.

Aren’t you both 24 years old? Take a look at this fact sheet from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence to see what other facts might fit the man you live with.

As the NCADV explains and illustrates with the diagram above, at the burning core of domestic violence is the abuser’s struggle for power and control. His method of exerting power involves lifting himself up at the emotional and physical expense of others by any means available to him. Notice, Ladies, that physical and sexual abuse are the very last events to occur. Before there’s any flying chairs or strangling, an abuser employs a veritable potpourri of strategies to suck power from his victim.

This means, Natalie, if he calls you a “fool,” “troll,” “weak” or “emotionally stupid,” he considers you insignificant.

If he claims, Rachel, that because he’s 22 years your senior, his “plan will always be the best one in the room,” he believes your ideas don’t have value.

If he disregards your opinions, Ladies, claiming he loves you because you “don’t lead with [your opinions] all the time,” this is a way of squelching your voice.

If you’ve given up your job and his income is your number one source of money, he is in control of your cash flow.

If you are scared of him in any way, he’s abusing you.

If he threatens to kill you, take him seriously.

The Keeper Of The Goddesses’ obsession with power and violence is also crystal clear in his language.  Do his “winning” quotes that have been disgustingly repeated for entertainment purposes ad nauseam show a fascinating creative mind? Yes, but creativity doesn’t make the words “I’ll cut off your head, put it in a box and send it to your mother,” any less despicable and frightening when coming out of the mouth of Sober Valley Lodge’s Only Client.

He has said he “loves violently.” Ask yourself what kind of love that means you receive. Is it the same kind of love you deserve?

And think about this one, Dear Young Ladies:  “You either love or you hate. You live in the middle and you have nothing.”

So what happens if and when either you or Narcissus no longer (violently) love each other? What happens when he feels threatened by your Goddess Power or your attempt to leave him? If he has not yet released his violent “verbal gold” upon you, he will when he fears the loss of your loyalty.

Natalie, you told Dateline that you’re “on the bus; I don’t really care where the bus is going.” It’s a fantastic, exciting way to live your life in your 20’s. You should be able to explore who you are and where you want to go.  But do you want to be on the bus when the driver careens it off the bridge, plummets into a deep dark hole and leaves you mangled beneath it?

Rachel, you told Dateline that you “support [him] one hundred percent.” Standing by your man doesn’t necessarily mean you always have to agree with him. You don’t. Do you support the threats he pitches against any of his past lovers?

Do you ever ask yourselves why you’re with him?

In and of itself, celebrity can be a type of drug, I suppose. Perhaps charismatic millionaires shine so brightly that they blind those closest to them and obscure the Twitching Abusive Blobs that they might be underneath all the glitter. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Cases in point: Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva. Chris Brown and Rihanna. Mike Tyson and Robin Givens.

All the attention he’s getting doesn’t help. His behavior and language shouldn’t be any less loathsome just because he’s a multi-million dollar celebrity.  But the media – and those putting his quotes into tweets and captions of cat pictures – have made it so. But don’t be fooled by the swirling helicopters and paparazzi-infested streets. There’s actually not much difference between the abusive partner who lives in the spotlight and the one that makes 50 grand a year.

Perhaps Mr. Half-A-Man isn’t abusing you in any way. But his history screams that if he isn’t now, he will eventually. If he’s an addict, he needs sobriety. If he’s mentally ill, he needs balance. If he’s abusive, then you, Natalie and Rachel, need the strength and stability of mind to leave. His jet-fueled language may some day be followed by his “fire-breathing fists”. But you don’t have to wait for that day before you save yourselves. Be the real winners; get off the bus.

11 Responses to “An Open Letter To The Goddesses”

  1. Alfi says:

    BTW, very well written.

  2. Missykatz says:

    Thank you for thinking of those young women. This is the first time I've seen anyone do so.

  3. Sanders says:

    Nice victim-blaming. Abuse is the fault of the abuser.

  4. Robin Dale Meyers says:

    I\’m not blaming the victims at all. I absolutely agree with you that the fault lies with the abuser. I\’m letting these young ladies know that they should take heed of his history and get out of the relationship if it turns or has already turned ugly. I pose questions that I hope will help them examine their own choices, (ie: staying with an abuser) and alert them to the fact that they have the power to leave, should they want to.

  5. Andy says:

    Nice job ! I just wonder if they would even entertain leaving bufore the bus plunges

  6. D.C. Douglas says:

    Andy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  7. D.C. Douglas says:

    True. But staying in an abusive relationship once you recognize it is a choice.

  8. Abbey Collins says:

    i agree. D.C. also its a very well written letter/blog post. *she makes a point*

    Domestic Violence is a very serious thing, and should always be paid attention too!

  9. Carla says:

    Beautifully written and incredibly empowering.

  10. Deb Ross says:

    Wow! Soo well written, direct and caring, Robin. I don't think I've seen this addressed in the main stream media at all. I'm passing it around to a few newsletters I'm a subscriber to. I'll follow up and let you know if they pick up…Keep up the great blogging!

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